I've been sitting here staring at a blank page, watching the cursor blink rhythmically for a while. I can't seem to find the right words to express what's going on in my head and in my heart. I've been wrestling with Him for a while, trying to understand what His plan and purpose is for Chantal. She's been here since the beginning of the outreach; a burn contracture patient from the last time we were in Togo. She's come back because her graft became infected and her whole shoulder is a big, open gaping wound. It's been a long 2 and half months for her; a journey of ups and downs. She's pulled through so many times, but this time it looks like she's not going to make it. We found out a couple days into her stay that she is HIV positive. We don't have supply of HIV meds on the ship, but in order to do another surgery to cover the wound we would have to treat her HIV. So we prayed, and God provided free HIV medication within days. One night after a dressing change under anesthesia she stopped breathing on me. God immediately told me to move her chin forward, and she took a huge gasp of air! I was so thankful that was not the end for her. The plastic surgeon arrived and was able to graft her arm with new beautiful skin. We moved her out of isolation, which is totally foreign in West Africa where community is everything, and into the ward with all the other patients. We saw her spirits lift to a level we had never seen before. She was getting depressed being in the isolation room all day, having minimal interaction with people, especially people of her own culture. Even despite me dancing to "Chop my money" like a fool, all we could get out of her was a smile! (If you haven't heard that song, you should look it up!) One day we started noticing a difference in Chantal; she was so joyful, and there was a life in her eyes that was not present previously. She would just break out into worship songs that would start the whole ward worshipping. She was smiling all the time, and interacting with all the patients. It was a beautiful sight to behold. Come to find out, the night before she prayed with one of the day workers to accept Jesus into her life! What a cause for celebration! As is often the case with Chantal her highs are followed by lows; her body is fighting a raging infection that waxes and wanes. Her heart rates shoots up, her respiratory rates sky rockets, and she begs to give up because of the pain. She gets tired of daily 2 hour long dressing changes, and physiotherapy. This is a cycle that we battle all the time with her. We start her on new antibiotics, and she starts feeling better, but because of the HIV and antibiotic resistance we lose the battle. This last time we moved her to ICU we had to make a decision about what we were doing for her and if she coded would we resuscitate. That was so hard for me; we have been fighting for so long to heal her, and then here we were giving up on her. When I met her the first time in February, I envisioned fixing her wound, bringing her back to full function with her arm and sending her back to Ghana fully healed and able to interact with society. But God reminded me that He is Good and has a plan for her that far surpasses what we could ever imagine. I was confronted with my faith and trust in God. I had to answer the question, what is more important: full physical healing, but spiritually dead OR eternal life with Jesus and not being physically healed? Life without Jesus is not life at all. I can boldly say that, knowing in my own life the difference Jesus has made, and seeing in Chantal's life the difference knowing Jesus has made. Although we have not healed her physically, I know without a doubt that we did more for her than any physical healing could ever do. I leave you with a thankful heart to God that He gave His son for me, and you, and Chantal, that we don't have live apart from Him, and that no matter the circumstances we can have joy in difficulty with the hope we have in Christ. Love you all.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
What a difference a child makes....
The sweet sounds of uproarious, joyful laughter coming from 5 giggling kids echoing through the hallway was how I ended my day. I can't imagine my day without them. Their joy is infectious, and brightens any down moment. It's amazing how God has changed my heart on this matter. He has given me a love and a patience for small kids that I know only comes from Him. I have so much to learn from them. They come to the ship, they've never seen a ship before. They come up the gangway, usually on moms back, to be greeted by security. They arrive on the ward to be taken care of by yovos (white people) whom they probably have never seen before. We poke and prod them, make them pee in a toilet, take a standing shower, and brush their teeth with toothpaste and toothbrush. They have to stay on the ward with no windows, and are allowed outside once a day for an hour to play, then they have to return to the dungeon. In spite of all that they are unimaginably joyful. They love bubbles, which usually starts the cackling; they love putting stickers on their foreheads and insisting you do the same. They dance and sing. They smile and laugh. They are beautiful! And I love them.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
What a friend we have in Jesus
It's really challenging, but good, to be away from all your close friends and family. Lately I've felt the tug on my heart to know and trust that Jesus is enough. I've been struggling with trying to be friends with everyone, all the while ignoring God. In my quiet time tonight Jesus spoke to me about friendship through James 4:4-6. Don't get me wrong, friendships are very important. But when friends supersede (v. to replace in power, authority, effectiveness, acceptance, etc. as by another person or thing.) your friendship with Jesus, something is awry.
James 4:4-6 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
To quote Beth Moore "friendship with world is vastly more convenient because we live on the crowded pinhead of it's epicenter...No one who lives in this world is a friend of God accidentally. We make a choice where we want to be most present. A hard choice."
What is so beautiful is that God actually desires friendship with us! Exodus 33:11 paints a beautiful picture of this: "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. We have a natural propensity to flip the verse and picture Moses talking to God like a friend. The great significance is the reverse.
That's all for now, just reflecting on what it looks like to be a friend of Jesus, and not the world. It will look different in my life, than others, but its always good to ponder.
James 4:4-6 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
To quote Beth Moore "friendship with world is vastly more convenient because we live on the crowded pinhead of it's epicenter...No one who lives in this world is a friend of God accidentally. We make a choice where we want to be most present. A hard choice."
What is so beautiful is that God actually desires friendship with us! Exodus 33:11 paints a beautiful picture of this: "The Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. We have a natural propensity to flip the verse and picture Moses talking to God like a friend. The great significance is the reverse.
That's all for now, just reflecting on what it looks like to be a friend of Jesus, and not the world. It will look different in my life, than others, but its always good to ponder.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
It's been so long since I've blogged, I don't even know where to start to update all 3 of you! It's been a bit since I've put up pictures so I'll put up some pictures of the sweet kids I've taken care of lately. These pictures are from a recent trip to the Hope Center. It's where our patients can stay if they live far away and need wound care, or are having surgery coming up and need a place to stay. It is so amazing to see their transformations. Some of them I met on screening day, others I met in the ward.
The very first kid I've taken care of! He had surgery on the Africa Mercy before so he was not keen on Yovo's or nurses in general, hence the look on his face.
There is a long story that goes along with this patient, maybe I'll tell it soon, but for now all I have to say is it is a miracle that she is still alive, and that we have been able to help her. God has worked miracle after miracle with her.
Lovely *Alisha. She is the sweetest thing! When she was on the ward she was so serious, and rarely interacted with us. Right before her discharge to the Hope Center is when we finally got to see her personality! On this visit she told me she wanted to be a nurse and live on the boat! I almost cried, it was the sweetest thing.
Oh *Comon! I need not say much, the mischievous look on his face says it all. He and his mom insisted that he is 17 years old, but nobody was buying it! I'm pretty sure he's under 13. That's beside the point. It was such a blessing to see the transformation in the relationship between him and his mom. When I first took care of him, his mom was so angry and frustrated with him. She would hit him, and he would cry and throw tantrums. By the time he left she was so joyous, and singing praises to the Lord!
Oh sweet *Luminaire, her name fits her so well! She is such a joy and her laughter is absolutely contagious.
Funny *Yani, she was burned when she was a baby and we first took care of her a couple years ago when the ship was in Togo. When I first took care of her she was really shy and wouldn't look me in the eyes, but after her surgery to fix her eye and reshape her nose she was laughing and playing with all the other kids! It was so sweet to see her personality unfold.
Another sweet, sweet child. I admitted *Pru and got to take her to surgery and pray with her before surgery. It was the most precious thing to see her bundled in a blanket, being carried down the hall by her dad and praying over her.
All of our patients receive mirrors with their admission packs. You couldn't imagine what an impact a mirror makes. *John was burned on the left side of his face to the point his eyelid was not functional. We were able to fix his left eye so that he could blink and have full function of his eye. When we took off the first dressing all did for nearly 3 hours was look in the mirror at his new eye. His smile says it all.
*Names changed for patient confidentiality
The very first kid I've taken care of! He had surgery on the Africa Mercy before so he was not keen on Yovo's or nurses in general, hence the look on his face.
There is a long story that goes along with this patient, maybe I'll tell it soon, but for now all I have to say is it is a miracle that she is still alive, and that we have been able to help her. God has worked miracle after miracle with her.
Lovely *Alisha. She is the sweetest thing! When she was on the ward she was so serious, and rarely interacted with us. Right before her discharge to the Hope Center is when we finally got to see her personality! On this visit she told me she wanted to be a nurse and live on the boat! I almost cried, it was the sweetest thing.
Oh *Comon! I need not say much, the mischievous look on his face says it all. He and his mom insisted that he is 17 years old, but nobody was buying it! I'm pretty sure he's under 13. That's beside the point. It was such a blessing to see the transformation in the relationship between him and his mom. When I first took care of him, his mom was so angry and frustrated with him. She would hit him, and he would cry and throw tantrums. By the time he left she was so joyous, and singing praises to the Lord!
Oh sweet *Luminaire, her name fits her so well! She is such a joy and her laughter is absolutely contagious.
Funny *Yani, she was burned when she was a baby and we first took care of her a couple years ago when the ship was in Togo. When I first took care of her she was really shy and wouldn't look me in the eyes, but after her surgery to fix her eye and reshape her nose she was laughing and playing with all the other kids! It was so sweet to see her personality unfold.
Another sweet, sweet child. I admitted *Pru and got to take her to surgery and pray with her before surgery. It was the most precious thing to see her bundled in a blanket, being carried down the hall by her dad and praying over her.
All of our patients receive mirrors with their admission packs. You couldn't imagine what an impact a mirror makes. *John was burned on the left side of his face to the point his eyelid was not functional. We were able to fix his left eye so that he could blink and have full function of his eye. When we took off the first dressing all did for nearly 3 hours was look in the mirror at his new eye. His smile says it all.
*Names changed for patient confidentiality
Thursday, March 1, 2012
JOY
There's so much that's happened since my last blog post, but I want to jump ahead to my shift last night and then I'll catch you up later!
Today I heard a resounding, be JOYFUL. It started with bible study in the morning where we talked about anguish morphing into joy. Not just physical anguish, but mental, emotional torment type of anguish that steals joy. It occurred to me a couple days ago, in stark contrast to the Africans I take care of, that I have very little joy. Despite having much to be joyful for, and they little, I remain incapable of expressing joy. I started my evening shift with a little anguish because it was my first day on the Plastics ward, with new translators, new patients, new coworkers, and a heavier patient load. After dinner some of the kids on the ship came down to visit the patients in the ward. We broke out into a full on worship concert. I took a step back to drink in the scene around me: Beni, one of the volunteers on the ward, guitar in hand; Jeff, a Canadian crew member, and Fred with jimbaye drums ready to start on queue; a few patients confined to their beds, wrapped in bandages that support their new faces and limbs; and the rest, mostly kids, dancing in the middle of the ward. The guitar starts, the drums follow quickly behind, and the patient's and caretakers all join in to sing worship songs to the Lord! Nurses, mom's, and patients dancing and singing with JOY. Nothing compares. There's nothing better to set your heart to JOY than singing, worshipping, and dancing with your patients! It's amazing what God can do through worship. How he aligns our heart's with His. I sang. I danced. I was filled with joy.
Today I heard a resounding, be JOYFUL. It started with bible study in the morning where we talked about anguish morphing into joy. Not just physical anguish, but mental, emotional torment type of anguish that steals joy. It occurred to me a couple days ago, in stark contrast to the Africans I take care of, that I have very little joy. Despite having much to be joyful for, and they little, I remain incapable of expressing joy. I started my evening shift with a little anguish because it was my first day on the Plastics ward, with new translators, new patients, new coworkers, and a heavier patient load. After dinner some of the kids on the ship came down to visit the patients in the ward. We broke out into a full on worship concert. I took a step back to drink in the scene around me: Beni, one of the volunteers on the ward, guitar in hand; Jeff, a Canadian crew member, and Fred with jimbaye drums ready to start on queue; a few patients confined to their beds, wrapped in bandages that support their new faces and limbs; and the rest, mostly kids, dancing in the middle of the ward. The guitar starts, the drums follow quickly behind, and the patient's and caretakers all join in to sing worship songs to the Lord! Nurses, mom's, and patients dancing and singing with JOY. Nothing compares. There's nothing better to set your heart to JOY than singing, worshipping, and dancing with your patients! It's amazing what God can do through worship. How he aligns our heart's with His. I sang. I danced. I was filled with joy.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Nursing...a universal profession?
Differences of working on a hospital ship in a 3rd world country...
- We recycle and sterilize everything! Those little plastic medicine cups we would throw away after putting 2 pills in it...yeah we sterilize those. It's funny how in 2 short weeks I've changed from being weirded out by sterilizing those, to now wondering if there is anything else we can sterilize and re-use!
- 8 hour shifts. I never thought I would get used to working any less than 12 hours and 4 days off a week, but here I am loving 8 hours. The time goes by so fast! Especially day shift; you eat lunch and then its practically time to go!
- Spiritual life. It's amazing that we get to pray together for our patients, and fellow nurses before and after each shift. Often we sing worship songs, and the patient's will sing along, too! After every morning shift, the day nurse takes the patients up to deck 7 and some volunteers have games and worship music. There is nothing like ending your day worshipping the Lord with your patients! Praying with your patient before they go into surgery.
- Having babies around. I took care of my first peds patient my very first day of work here. It was awesome and scary all at the same time. Patient's are allowed one caretaker to stay with them throughout their hospital stay, and sometimes that means that the patient might be a Mom and her "caretaker" is her 6 month old baby that we get to play with all day! That has been one of my favorite things here, and the Moms don't mind you taking their baby, strapping it to your back, and walking around all day!
- Caretakers sleeping under the bed. You read that right. Forget about the fold up cots, our family members sleep on a mattress under the bed! It's amazing that they don't even second guess sleeping on the floor, its actually more unusual to sleep on a bed!
- Having to explain how to use a toilet
- All the patients in one room, no curtains, no doors.
- No bedside tables, IV poles, or monitors
- Patients helping other patients
- Watching what you throw in the trash. Anything can be resold i.e. empty cans of Ensure so we have to take off the labels, or cut our IV tubing so it cannot be reused.
- Changing linens three days a week
- Walking your patients to the OR
- Taking 1 minute to get to work
- Living a few doors down from your patients
- Being a walking blood bank. I was notified tonight that there is a patient with my blood type having surgery tomorrow. Because there is no way to store blood, if they need blood for the patient they will call me and I'll donate my blood, walk it to the OR and administer it right then and there!
Hope this gives you a little insight into my world, and helps you think about yours a little differently! Good night!
- We recycle and sterilize everything! Those little plastic medicine cups we would throw away after putting 2 pills in it...yeah we sterilize those. It's funny how in 2 short weeks I've changed from being weirded out by sterilizing those, to now wondering if there is anything else we can sterilize and re-use!
- 8 hour shifts. I never thought I would get used to working any less than 12 hours and 4 days off a week, but here I am loving 8 hours. The time goes by so fast! Especially day shift; you eat lunch and then its practically time to go!
- Spiritual life. It's amazing that we get to pray together for our patients, and fellow nurses before and after each shift. Often we sing worship songs, and the patient's will sing along, too! After every morning shift, the day nurse takes the patients up to deck 7 and some volunteers have games and worship music. There is nothing like ending your day worshipping the Lord with your patients! Praying with your patient before they go into surgery.
- Having babies around. I took care of my first peds patient my very first day of work here. It was awesome and scary all at the same time. Patient's are allowed one caretaker to stay with them throughout their hospital stay, and sometimes that means that the patient might be a Mom and her "caretaker" is her 6 month old baby that we get to play with all day! That has been one of my favorite things here, and the Moms don't mind you taking their baby, strapping it to your back, and walking around all day!
- Caretakers sleeping under the bed. You read that right. Forget about the fold up cots, our family members sleep on a mattress under the bed! It's amazing that they don't even second guess sleeping on the floor, its actually more unusual to sleep on a bed!
- Having to explain how to use a toilet
- All the patients in one room, no curtains, no doors.
- No bedside tables, IV poles, or monitors
- Patients helping other patients
- Watching what you throw in the trash. Anything can be resold i.e. empty cans of Ensure so we have to take off the labels, or cut our IV tubing so it cannot be reused.
- Changing linens three days a week
- Walking your patients to the OR
- Taking 1 minute to get to work
- Living a few doors down from your patients
- Being a walking blood bank. I was notified tonight that there is a patient with my blood type having surgery tomorrow. Because there is no way to store blood, if they need blood for the patient they will call me and I'll donate my blood, walk it to the OR and administer it right then and there!
Hope this gives you a little insight into my world, and helps you think about yours a little differently! Good night!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Screening day....a day of hope for many
Screening day was last week...I can't believe so much time has passed and I feel that I blinked and now its a week and half later. Forgive the delay, I wanted to show pictures so that you can see with your own eyes what many experienced that day. I'm afraid my words won't do it justice.
We left VERY early on Wednesday...4:30am to be exact! The sun wasn't even close to coming out. As we rode along the streets in our Land Rover caravan something struck me. There were many shop owners, and their families sleeping outside, on the ground, with no blanket, and no pillow. It hit me as I was thinking about how poorly I slept the night before because it was loud, or my roommates woke me up, or because I was cold (the AC is on full blast in the ship!). Then I stopped, and I saw the people I came to serve sleeping on the ground. It's funny how that happens, you think you've come to help them, but they in turn have helped me so much more. I came here to let go of my comfort and yet I find myself still clinging on. We arrived to a short line, only 130 people! We prayed that only the people we would be able to help come, but 130 was kind of cutting it short! As the day wore on more people eventually came. My job for the day was to take medical histories from patients that were screened for potential surgery. Before they came to me they waited in long lines, some alone, some with their families in tow. For many it was their last hope, last chance to be "normal" again. For some it was life or death. For others it was an answer to prayer.
This isn't going to be pretty; for a lot of us it was an emotionally draining day, and without the love, hope, and promises of Jesus it would have been unbearable. Many came who we had to turn away. Do you know how it feels to squash someone's dreams over and over and over? The escorts (God bless them) had to take each and every "no" across a long field, usually in utter silence. But they did not walk away without comfort, and love; they were prayed with, and reassured of the love God has for them. Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Some were crushed, but many were thankful that we came to help their people! It was amazing and humbling to see. They are truly living the commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself." I can say that I would not have that response if presented with the same situation.
Okay, enough with the depressing and on to the hopeful! God did AMAZING things at the screening. The one thing that hit me most that day was the overwhelming sense of peace. In a situation were there are many people gathered in a small area, and desperation is certain, it could have been chaos. It wasn't. It was absolutely calm. We were able to see almost half of the people that were in line, and have started surgeries this week! The ward is full of excitement and energy as our first patients come out of the Operating Room new people. I will leave you with some pictures from screening day...ENJOY.
single file amazingness
precious kids
no words necessary
tears
History taking area...I'm way in the back
Goiters were such a huge problem...it's as simple as salt
More cute babies!!!
(the one picture of me at screening day...haha I look so pensive)
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"
We left VERY early on Wednesday...4:30am to be exact! The sun wasn't even close to coming out. As we rode along the streets in our Land Rover caravan something struck me. There were many shop owners, and their families sleeping outside, on the ground, with no blanket, and no pillow. It hit me as I was thinking about how poorly I slept the night before because it was loud, or my roommates woke me up, or because I was cold (the AC is on full blast in the ship!). Then I stopped, and I saw the people I came to serve sleeping on the ground. It's funny how that happens, you think you've come to help them, but they in turn have helped me so much more. I came here to let go of my comfort and yet I find myself still clinging on. We arrived to a short line, only 130 people! We prayed that only the people we would be able to help come, but 130 was kind of cutting it short! As the day wore on more people eventually came. My job for the day was to take medical histories from patients that were screened for potential surgery. Before they came to me they waited in long lines, some alone, some with their families in tow. For many it was their last hope, last chance to be "normal" again. For some it was life or death. For others it was an answer to prayer.
This isn't going to be pretty; for a lot of us it was an emotionally draining day, and without the love, hope, and promises of Jesus it would have been unbearable. Many came who we had to turn away. Do you know how it feels to squash someone's dreams over and over and over? The escorts (God bless them) had to take each and every "no" across a long field, usually in utter silence. But they did not walk away without comfort, and love; they were prayed with, and reassured of the love God has for them. Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Some were crushed, but many were thankful that we came to help their people! It was amazing and humbling to see. They are truly living the commandment to "love your neighbor as yourself." I can say that I would not have that response if presented with the same situation.
Okay, enough with the depressing and on to the hopeful! God did AMAZING things at the screening. The one thing that hit me most that day was the overwhelming sense of peace. In a situation were there are many people gathered in a small area, and desperation is certain, it could have been chaos. It wasn't. It was absolutely calm. We were able to see almost half of the people that were in line, and have started surgeries this week! The ward is full of excitement and energy as our first patients come out of the Operating Room new people. I will leave you with some pictures from screening day...ENJOY.
single file amazingness
precious kids
no words necessary
tears
History taking area...I'm way in the back
Goiters were such a huge problem...it's as simple as salt
More cute babies!!!
(the one picture of me at screening day...haha I look so pensive)
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God"
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